Logs:No Harm No Fowl
From Megaman Mush Wiki
WHO: Dr. Light,Dr. Wily, Pureri, Tabea Klein, Crash Man, Number Man, Daryn, Signas, Shade Man, Munitions Ifrit, Chronoton Duck, Punk
WHAT: Dr. Wily has a nefarious plan to steal a magnetic chicken. Heroes respond. Signas uses the power of words on Daryn.
WHERE: The McCullough Chicken Ranch, OK
WHEN: June 12, 2221
(Log by Number Man)
Central United States
The midwest is the agricultural heart of the country, and has been referred to in the past as the breadbasket of the world. Flat, rich land, fed by numerous rivers and the scientific might of centuries of agribusiness, yields a bounty unparalleled in human history. The largest reservoir of fresh water in the world, the Great Lakes, resides near the northeastern corner of this vast, rich area.
In the center of the U.S. is the Space Elevator, which rises into the heavens from Kansas City. The Space Elevator crosses the airspace of the United States, the Republic of Texas and part of Mexico before reaching its terminus point near Eurasia, the largest space station in Earth orbit.
Tabea Klein arrives from the Sky Above North America.
Tabea Klein has arrived.
Pureri enters the midwest from the western US.
Pureri has arrived.
<Global News Network> A breaking special interest story on your local news! Complete with visual of a... Chicken farm? "... And here we are at the famous McCullough Chicken Ranch in Tulsa, Oklahoma! Formerly a chicken farm of no particular repute, it has skyrocketed to noteriety thanks to the discovery of a /magnetic chicken/! Wow, feel that pull! So, how did you first find out that the chicken was magnetic... And what's that strange shadow- OH (bleep)!" A massive white paw slams down into view of the camera, which promptly cuts out with a hiss of static and the distinctive laughter of Dr. Wily.
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Dr. Wily also laughs here, to MAKE SURE PEOPLE KNOW. "MWAAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAA!"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Don't buy a title for Dr. Light transmits, "Albert!"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Don't buy a title for Dr. Light transmits, "Hi!"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Don't buy a title for Dr. Light transmits, "I heard the weirdest thing the other day, y'know, when I dropped that skyscraper on Dark Man?"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Dr. Wily transmits, "Hello, Thomastron 2000. How are you?"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Emperor Norton Daryn transmits, "AHH!! IT'S A G-G-G-GHOOOST!"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Don't buy a title for Dr. Light transmits, "Yeah, stay right there."
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Dr. Wily transmits, "What /now/? I'm busy!"
Ride Armor <Golden> arrives from the Sky Above North America.
Ride Armor <Golden> has arrived.
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Berkana transmits, "Well, now you've got me curious. What're you up to, Wily...?"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Dr. Wily transmits, "I'd tell you... But then you'd think you were relevant or something."
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Berkana, flatly, "Oh, what a shame."
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Dr. Wily transmits, "I mean, I don't think your move to Professorland caused Repliforce's scientific progress to alter in the slightest."
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Dr. Wily transmits, "So really. How does it feel to be worthless?"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Don't buy a title for Dr. Light transmits, "Are you bored or something, Al? Need to pick on the kids some?"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Great Guts Man transmits, "Alright. While Wily is busy stealing chickens, we can bulldoze the loser parts of San Angeles. Let's go gang!"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Berkana transmits, "If I were really worthless, you wouldn't care about my personal sentiments on the matter."
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Dr. Wily transmits, "I just like prodding the sore spot."
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Emperor Norton Daryn transmits, "People make fun of people they don't care about all the time."
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Don't buy a title for Dr. Light transmits, "I mean, seriously. -Guts Man, Doctor Wily cannot obtain the secrets hidden in chicken DNA! To me, my Hunters! We must stop them!"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Berkana transmits, "But yet they care enough to keep doing it, Daryn."
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Dr. Wily transmits, "Anyway, can Guts Man really risk me getting this MAGNETIC CHICKEN?"
[Radio: (D) Gobal Idiocy] Berkana transmits, "Hee hee hee..."
The McCullough Chicken Ranch is a short distance outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma, near a large scrapyard. This might not normally be an issue, except for the occasional hunks of metal whipping through the air towards a specific coop.
The magnetic chicken sits there, clucking in its own wire fence, with hunks of iron stuck inside the fence itself. It seems pretty peaceful... Though the rest of the ranch is in chaos, as in the air, the Stealth Transport has decloaked, a massive white robobear with similarly massive eybrows standing over a fallen GNN reporter, farmhand, and a crushed camera. From the WilySaucer on the back, Wily's voice crackles, cackling madly with amusement! "NO ONE CAN STOP ME NOW! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
==================================================================
_ __
| |Dr. / / WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
| |/ \/ / - WILYMACHINE -
|__/\ / - WILYBEAR -
\/ WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
==================================================================
What is more fun than stealing chickens? Sticking fireworks to cows. This is what Punk is doing.
He stands next to a cow, carefully strapping a cruise missile to it with a roll of duct tape, slowly rolling the tape around the cow.
Crash Man explodes onto the scene, leaping out of the stealth transport wearing a straw hat and wielding an enormous butterfly net. He slams down onto the ground and begins running around the immediate vicinity, seemingly at random, hoping to capture the chicken. Along the way he harasses fleeing civilians with the net to entertian himself.
Shade Man flies around, carrying cows into the air, then dropping them through the barn roof. He does this until a particularly pissed off cow thrashes enough to cause Shade Man to veer off course, sending him spiraling into the muddy pig pen.
Number Man, who has been driving the Stealth Transport this entire time, stops above the Farm with the fabled 'Magnetic Chicken'. Why? Because Wily said so, duh. Setting the ship on autopilot, Number Man jumps out of the transport, which at this point he realizes he cannot fly, so he falls several feet, into the nearby barn!
Crashing sounds and large amounts of swearing are all that can be heard from the barn. Number Man is having problems apperently.
Who is Wilymachine?
Bear is Wilymachine!?
This cannot be!
"Golly banana fo fanna!" Daryn cries from his mysterious position which will be fully elaborates shortly. "I've heard of Wilybeer, but not Wilybear! I am scared for the chicken! Scared indeed."
Daryn bows his head as he walks over to the GNN reporter and helps him up. "Hello there." He says.
"Er?" The Reporter says.
"Would you like to join ZTV?" Daryn asks.
"Er?" The reporter adds.
"Indeed," Daryn continues, "However I am here to explain to you the purpose of this assault. You see, Dr. Wily has a scheme for the betterment of all that requires your magnetic chicken."
"Er?" The reporter seems quite flummoxed.
"So we will be appropriating it. I am sorry for your camera if you choose to join Z!TV."
Daryn bobs his head again and gives the reporter a mint before moving on.
Bears. Mankind's natural enemy. Only one man can even hope to stand against this mad alliance between dark science and darker nature: the Wilybear! And that man...
...isn't technically a man. Doctor Light isn't even sure what he is, except on the way to save the day! The Golden rockets through the air, piloted by, seemingly, no one. Have the Hunters finally thrown all pretense aside and made a transformer? No! Doctor Light just drives things by posessing them now. Yeah, it's kind of creepy.
"Doctor Wily!" The Golden booms, retro rockets fireing as he slowly lands on the farm, "Evil Robot Masters! Your wicked schemes will be foiled! So swears...oh, darn, hold on." The Golden's arm takes a moment to scrape off the chared, stinking remains of the pile of hay he just landed in, taking a moment to make sure that his ride armor's boots are clean before resuming the formalities. "Now, where was I? Ah, yes...so swears Doctor Light, and my family band!"
Tabea Klein was not precisely expecting to be spending her day fighting Robot Masters over the fate of a magnetic chicken. How do you magnetize a chicken anyway? What is the POINT of magnetizing a chicken? Why would anyone WANT a magnetized chicken?
Maybe she'll ask.
Regardless, the purple and gold frame of Besch�tzer heads in at a run. It can't run all that fast, but it tries, occasionally (and briefly) taking to the air in a long, low jump assisted by the jets on its sides and back.
And just behind the Beschutzer, by only a step or two, is Pureri. The other girl is there for much the same reason Tabea is -- to stop the Robot Masters from stealing the completely ridiculous magnetized chicken. She does not spend nearly as much mental effort on trying to figure out the magnetized chicken's deal; it is magnetized, and that is about all she needs to know.
She seems to be having a pretty easy time of keeping up with Tabea; her jumps aren't as long, though, and as such she can't /quite/ match the other woman's power armor perfectly. Rest assured, though, she keeps pace /just/ fine.
There is only one force on the face of this Earth that can get Chronoton Duck onto a farm and give in to the N.E.W.S. stereotypes of ducks. And that force is the Magnetic Chicken. At least, that's Chronoton Duck's story and he is sticking to it.
As the Robot Master onslaught begins, Chronoton Duck finds himself ripped up through the silos of the Irregular base by the magnetic metal deposits in his frame. Duck screams, shrieks, and flails as he sails through the air along invisible(?) lines of magnetic force until, an impossibly short period of time later, Chronoton Duck falls out of the sky and crash lands in a water trough for the farm's horses. The old school pump well promptly starts pumping itself, dumping several gallons of water on Chronoton who is sprawled in a crab/spread eagle position in the wood and steel trough and its murky water.
"... I d-d-d-d-d-d-d-don't f-f-f-f-f-f-feel s-s-s-so g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-good..."
The Wilybear rears up, hearing the sound of its own special natural enemy: Giant robots! Don't explain why, it just works that way. It roars in defiance at the Golden, the massive brows waggling in classic Wily fashion, before it drops back to all fours again. The canopy on the Saucer attatched to the Machine pops off, Wily grinning from within. "So, Light. You seem to be quite... contagious, I see!" He laughs again. "I wonder if you'll eventually mutate into some kind of virus. You're ABOUT AS DIFFICULT TO GET RID OF!" Wily fistshakes at the golden, the canopy descending and locking in place.
"Begone, Thomas!" Wily calls. "You have no place in this world! MY WORLD!" Amidst the chaos of Robot Masters manhandling various farm animals, the bear adopts a kung-fu stance, and gives the Bruce Lee 'Come Get Some' gesture. Chicken farms? All this for chicken farms? Well it IS a part of agriculture. More specifically poultry. And there's cows involved. .. Maybe there was a lsight confusion with the general news report. Then again, the RF representative wasn't known to make sense of things. It's just a job. This time in a farm with low-yield weaponry.
And who was showing up as RF's so far sole representative? Just Ifrit. A confused old robot. His age is getting to him in a slow and steady manner.
Signas arrives from the Anchor Districts.
Signas has arrived.
Daryn looks over to the giant robot. he blinks twice before tossing a wave over to Dr. Light. He also spots the Beschutzer, but seems intent on avoiding it. He doesn't want to battle Tabea over chicken.
However, Crash Man manages to catch his face with the net and drags him a few feet before he frees himself. Daryn is about to get up when a young farmer says.
"Don't have a cow, man."
"What?" Daryn looks offended.
"Don't have a cow, man!" The farmer repeats.
"I'll have all the cow I want!" Daryn beats his chest rapidly.
"Oh, Sigma Virus parallel, that's actually new." The Golden-Doctor Light says, keeping crouches as the Wilybear poses and flexes, Light using the scanning equipment to get a quick tatical readout of the immediate area. He doesn't want to destroy the farm in the act of protecting it, after all.
The Golden kicks to the left, its chaingun quickly moving at the Wilybear, firing a rapid burst of mathematicly hyper accurate bullets at the mighty hide of the be-browned beast! "So where were you, anyway? Legs rust or something?"
Munitions Ifrit ponders what he'll be improvising this time. His track record, such as it is, is full of old stuff. Then again, being out here watching some giant mecha polar bear stomp around is certainly an incentive to improvise more out of the box. This leads Ifrit to pondering just how he'll get under that thing's skin. It's taller than even General and given the way a bear is it could rip things apart just as easily. "This is gonna take some doing. God, sometimes I wish I had a tank for backup. Not that it will last against that thing for more than a minute."
Pureri remains just behind Tabea, watching the other woman as she puts out the fire; she has to take a moment to consider her own best course of action. She would've put out the fire, but Tabea seems to have handled that... so she is left to look from Robot Master to Robot Master, and determine who's making the most trouble that /isn't/ being addressed.
The young lady sees Daryn, off in the distance; she is promptly very disappointed in his conduct, as a member of LEGIONS shouldn't be showing up on Robot Master raids! On the other hand, he doesn't seem to be causing much trouble yet... so she just starts sneaking toward the center of the ridiculous melee, using various animals as cover. Pureri activates her stealth mode.
Crash Man runs around with his net, yelling and swiping his net around and generally carrying on like a lunatic. This is his job.
Punk hms idly for a moment, taking out a good large blow torch. He sets fire to a bunch of fuses set in the cruise missile and then starts backing up. The cow moos unhappily at having a huge heavy missile taped to it and the sound of fire. Punk just looks on with a great show of happiness.
Signas appears on one corner of the shattered roof, arms crossed, large feet perched one behind the other. He looks kind of like a ballerina, if a ballerina were a twelve foot tall robot. Watching the shenanigans below (and above), he quirks a brow beneath the brim of his mighty hat. "This is... /highly/ illogical," he comments, quietly.
Chronoton Duck was sprawled in a water trough, man. He didn't even do anything. Duck looks up, stares at Number Man with @_@ optics, and then gets hit in the bill with dice. A moment later they explode, the cataclysmic attack muffled by unseen forces. Forces that may be Duck holographically hiding the fact that he snapped the dice out of mid-air and stuffed them into the water trough, muffling the explosions.
The explosion throws Chronoton Duck out of the trough and he flips through the air. Somewhere in the middle of a flip, his armor changes from mottled brown to a Men in Black motif, complete with sunglasses. Duck pulls back his left sleeve to reveal the Universal Remote Control, only it looks rather more like a watch.
"BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG D! QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKTION!"
Behind and beneath Duck, the ground suddenly heaves and shakes before rupturing as an enormous golden Chronoton Duck, who looks even more robotic than Duck himself, erupts from the ground. Chronoton (or should we say, Roger Fowlsmith?) leaps upward and backward as the apparent Big D lifts into the air at an impossible rate. Roger Fowlsmith lands in the outstretched palm of Big D and, a moment later, disappears into the bowels of the machine. In the bowels of the machine, Duck lands in a chair and goes through an old school boot-up sequence of the Mallardeus before a screen appears in Roger's vision 'Cast in the name of Fowl, ye not guilty.'
A moment later, a similar screen appears in front of Number Man. 'Cast in the name of Fowl, ye art guilty.' Big D promptly whirls one hand around until it turns into some kind of drill blade that descends toward Number Man at giant mecha speed. Oddly, one could almost swear they could hear Ahnold proclaiming, 'Hasta la vista... Bay. Bee.'
Daryn remains oblivious to Strider. Daryn passes by in front of a goat that Pureri is using as cover--she likely wisely chose the goat over the cow because Daryn decided to 'have a cow'.
He passes over it, taking a moment to watch Crash Man's behavior as if he didn't get inconvenienced by it a moment before--as made evident when he nods his approval. Yessss.
Daryn approaches a cow.
"Moo?" The cow asks Daryn.
Daryn tries to lift it but is having a hard time finding a place to grip the cow. The cow looks rather offended by Daryn's behavior and is trying not to make a scene.
Chronoton Duck misses you with his Duckinator 2 - Judgment Duck attack.
Ah yes, the glory of having a cow fire along with a giant cruise missile. There are few greater things in the world. Maybe throwing puppies into tar, or beating up small children with a sack of nickels. Either way, Punk is having a very powerful moment here.
And then the fuse goes out. Punk squints his eyes and then turns over towards Tabea. "Who do you think you are?!" Punk can't be bothered to know every single Legions member. Punk leaps forward, putting himself right into the tractor beam. He then sticks his fist forward, using the purchase of the tractor beam and a bit of running to launch himself at Tabea Klein.
Tabea Klein deflects Generic Melee from Punk.
Signas is beside the cow in question now, arms still crossed, but feet planted in a properly /manly/ manner now. Thank god for solid ground. The Diplomat looks down at Daryn, who is grabbing at the cow here and there, and narrows his eyes considerably.
"Mr. /Luna/," he says firmly. "I am a tolerant man, but I /must/ insist that you stop molesting this cow at once." Standing on the opposite side of the cow from Daryn, Signas places a large hand on the cow's head. It MOOs confusedly. "There there, ma'am. This man is clearly out of his mind. We will get you the therapy you need."
It is not clear if he is saying this to Daryn, or to the cow.
"My legs do not rust!" Wily retorts. "I have /high quality/ cybernetics... Unlike some people who don't even have that!" The commentary is puncutated by a line of holes appearing on the WilyBear from the bullets, and the Doctor peers at the damage. "Hmph. Loaded for bear, I see." The Maddest Doctor hmphs, before pulling on some controls. "I think you'll find that I have some surprises in store for you!" The WilyBear rears back, maw opening wide... And a gout of frigid fog wafts out, spreading a thick sheet of ice wherever it goes. "So, Thomas. ARE you feeling a bit spready lately? I mean, what's going on with your cyber-life?"
Wilymachine <WilyBear> misses Ride Armor <Golden> with its Ice Breath attack.
Signas looks up sharply. "My pun sense is tingling..."
Tabea Klein still has her tractor beam out when Punk runs at her. She turns, just a little, and holds her hands out as if shoving him away.
They pick him up and hold him in the air, just slightly, for about five seconds. Punk runs on nothing (unless he thinks to stop, anyway) and fails to come any closer to Tabea. After that, though, the beams die down, recharging.
"Tabea Klein!" she says, loud and clear through her speakers, as she brings up the machine gun again. She fires only a very short burst, backing up slowly, trying to lead Punk away from the cow and the rest of the farm. Just in case.
Tabea Klein strikes Punk with her Snap Shot attack.
"I have evolved, Albert. I am pioneering new forms of sentient life. You know, actual science, instead of the schlock you use to blow things up?" Death may have made Light snippier, as he leans back, kicks the Golden's right leg up, and turns the rocket thruster onto 'high', causing the torrent of icy breath to melt before it can even reach the Ride Armor!
Slamming back into a standing position throws the Golden slightly off balance, however, and Light covers for the mistake by fireing a golden colored particle beam sizzling towards the Wilybear! "I'm really mad at you for the whole 'Dark Man' thing. What the hell? You know that's going to bite you in the ass, Albert, what are you thinking? PS: I need your help to stop the Professor from cracking the DNA Soul Genome, which would give him unmatched power over the sentient mind, and do you really want to be brainwashed by that guy? I mean, yeesh."
Ride Armor <Golden> strikes Wilymachine <WilyBear> with its Not Just Good attack.
Number Man wonders what is going on-holy s*(^. Number Man's optics almost bulge out of his eyes as the Giant Mech appears, along with the screen prompt, which of course causes Number Man to run away as fast as his stubbly legs can carry him."HOLYCRAPPLEASEDON-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" Number Man shrieks, barely leaping out of the way way of the Drill-Fist.
Number Man gets up from his landing spot, spitting out a bit of hay he managed to get into his mouth "GOD, WAHT IS WITH YOU IRREGULARS AND YOUR OVERCOMPISATION?!" Number Man ignores the /sheer/ irony of him shouting that due to his Virtual Avitar. Number Man then pulls out a large pair of steel balls from his subspace pocket and proceeds to chuck them at the Big D, and maybe even harming Roger Fowlsmith.
Crash Man continues to run around in the background, perhaps not even entirely animated today to save processing cycles.
"Don't have a cow, Signas." Daryn tells Signas, which may have been predictable. "And I'll have you know that I'm not molesting the cow." He waggles a finger at Signas, "I'm stealing a cow. Cownapping. That's a completely different activity." He hesitates, "I'm just not sure how to pick it up, that's all. Man, trucks are a lot easier..." The Rocker frowns.
You miss Chronoton Duck with your Number Balls Odd attack.
There's a distinct obviousness about the situation as it unfolds. Ifrit would normally state it, but that would just be dumb. And over there we have some Masters running around screaming idiotically. "It's times like these that I'm happy they're a bunch of college rejects. It's like they live in the Animal House movie. Sans chicks."
"Hey, I actually have a need for better killing machines!" Wily states. "It's not like I'm not UNDER SIEGE or something!" The particle beam leaves a long black scorch across the WilyBear, sizzling through the typically Wily Thick Armor when the weak point is hit. "Look, Thomas. Dark Man is a triumph. I've uttely taken everything Blues ever wanted or could have had in life. It's a perfect vengeance for what he's done... And he will never betray me. I can assure you of that!"
The polar Wilybear leaps into the air, blowing another massive gout of breath. This time, though, it freezes a massive hunk of ice, which slams down for the Golden... And perhaps some nearby cows. "And yes, I'd love to fight the Professor. Why don't you tell your kids to lay off San Angeles so I can devote time and energy to actually getting my vengeance on him?"
Blargh. Punk can't seem to get enough purchase! Mostly because the ground isn't there. The machine gun fire rattles against Punk once he finally gets to the ground and finds his feet. He hmphs. "I don't care what your name is! No one ruins my fun!"
Punk will get to the cow in a second. For now, it stands there, just sort of mooing helplessly, trying not to tip over due to the weight of the missile.
Punk takes a more direct route to punching Tabea Klein in the face. That is, Punk rushes across the ground, holding his hand upward. Punk shifts and moves rather expertly given his normal heaviness, moving up in an effort to at least dodge more of the machine gun fire before he brings the back of his hand to the helmet of the power armor.
Punk strikes Tabea Klein with his Pimp Slap attack.
Wilymachine <WilyBear> misses Ride Armor <Golden> with its Crushing Hunters Thick And Thin attack.
After a time, Signas tunes out his Pun Sense and returns his attention to Daryn. At least, partially. His eyes are actually tracking Crash Man's wild running-abouts. Just in case. You never know.
"Mr. Luna, I have no intention of 'having' a cow," Signas replies sternly. "I am here specifically to prevent /you/ from engaging in such a coupl-- oh, I see." The Diplomat coughs absently into a fist. "Cownapping. Of... of course." Pause.
"Well, that is also rather unacceptable. Are you not a member of LEGIONS? What would your comrades-in-arms think of this behaviour?" Signas notices that Tabea and Pureri are in fact on the scene. He points. "Why don't we /ask them/."
There is one problem with Number Man's attack. The Big D he was throwing his balls at simply does not exist. Somewhere between Number Man narrowly escaping a giant Drill Fist and him launching his attack, the Mallardeus simply vanishes without a trace. Along with the Mallardeus, so too went Roger Fowlsmith.
Oh wait. There's Roger Fowlsmith, standing ahead of Number Man now... Hey. When did Roger get a giant afro? Chronoton Duck folds his arms across his chest as he descends from the heavens above to try blocking off Number Man's path. The Duck Knight arches a single optic ridge at Number, bringing his Universal Remote Control around and pointing it at the Disco Master.
"Farm-Pool is Closed-Pool."
Duck's pudgy thumb descends upon the Universal Remote Control's Eject button. Mysterious, inexplicable force wells up around Number Man and attempts to launch him off of the farm... Or perhaps through a wall.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the globe, in the dark of a dank and forgotten wine cellar, wine bottles start to shake, rattle, and roll, their corks seemingly starting to resonate with an unknown vibration of power. If Number Man isn't launched, there is a distinct possibility of a 1200 wine cork salute to the dead.
Chronoton Duck misses you with his Eject attack.
There's something that seems a little 'off' about Crash Man today, Pureri notes, as she watches him; perhaps he has acquired new extra-over technology and needs to be stopped immediately. Yes, that would make complete sense -- he has supreme animal-napping powers, which Pureri must now defend the world against!!
She darts from bit of cover to bit of cover at lightning speed, pulling out a length of yellow scarf. She only has one chance to get the drop on Crash Man -- after that she's going to have to handle him like any other Robot Master, so she had better make it count! Think of those poor farm animals!
As Crash Man turns away from her in his movements around the farm, Pureri speeds in, swinging her scarf around the Master's throat. From there, of course, it's just a question of driving her knee into the back of Crash Man's and pulling as hard as possible on the scarf, using her surprising strength to wreck whatever fuel lines or other important systems might go through the Master's neck.
Pureri strikes Crash Man with her Scarf Choke attack.
Tabea Klein felt that inside her power armour. A little, at least; the head of her armour rocks to the side and inside, so does Tabea's, buffered slightly by the fact that she isn't entirely in the helmet.
"Then why did you /ask/?" she says, bringing up the machine gun again. She tries to keep an eye on the cow while simultaneously hosing Punk down with bullets, something that is just a /little/ beyond her capabilities - but she tries anyway, still moving backwards and leading Punk away.
It's almost like she has a plan. Almost.
An unfortunate rat in the wine cellar is smote by the 1200 wine cork salute. The cat chasing it dies in the resulting flood.
Tabea Klein strikes Punk with her Machine Gun Focus Fire attack.
"Oh, man." Doctor Light and the Golden pause at this.
The Golden's arms hold the 'gut' of the Ride Armor, as it shakes with Doctor Light's booming, joyfull laughter! "L-lay off...hah! Oh-hoh hoh hoh hoh! Oh, that's a rich bit of ribaldry indeed! I'm piqued!"
Slapping his knees, Dr. Light accadentily recharges a few vital weapons systems mid-hilarious laughter. "Oh, you so got me, man, that was just...whee!"
Ride Armor <Golden> forfeits a turn to charge WE.
Crash Man runs around in the background yelling. He's caught several unmagnetized chickens, which he has been using as sap weapons against other things in his path. He's going to need a shower after this battle.
Crash Man doesn't see Pureri coming. He is grappled by the scarf, which comically knocks him off his feet and sends him powering down to the ground. Several unpleasant cracking noises issue from Crash Man's body in the aftermath of the hit.
Crash lies still for several seconds, perhaps stunned from the impact, before his cannon arm automatically swings up and discharges a mortar at the pink object he sees just out of his peripheral vision.
Crash Man misses Pureri with his Blockbuster attack.
Daryn walks around to the side of the cow, perhaps thinking that there may be some sort of carrier device there on the cow. "Moo?" The cow asks Signas as Daryn pushes up against the side of the cow in a rather futile manner. "Hm."
Daryn looks back up to Signas and adds, "I don't mess with Europe." He tells him, "But I really need to steal this cow for Wily." He pats the cow on the back. "So how about you let me have this cow. They were totally taunting me about having a cow, you see."
Daryn seems to think his diplomatic prowess will convince Signas.
The WilyBear falls in a bit of a tailspin, landing next to the golden. Wily's glare is palpable fron his position in the Saucer. "Yes. Very funny." The Maddest Doctor enunciates slowly. "But if that's how you want to play it, so be it."
A hatch opens up on the Bear, and a sudden barrage of Pen-Pens swarm from the massive Machine, sweeping in for the Golden in a kamikaze barrage!
Wilymachine <WilyBear> misses Ride Armor <Golden> with its And Suddenly - Penguins attack.
Number Man is totally not into Disco, Duck. That would probably be Psyche. Number Man, in another rare show of agility, gets out of the way of the MYSTERY FORCES that are at work. You can probably chalk that up to his inate paranoia, as well as having Gate Man go on and on about subspace and whatnot, which would be enough to have anyone become paranoid.
"Duck, shut yo mouth!" Number Man then pulls out a.... pie(!) from his subspace pocekt, and proceeds to smash the thing into the Duck's face. Oddly, it has the pi symbol on it for /no real reason/.
You strike Chronoton Duck with a minor hit from your Pi In The Face attack.
And there goes the wind girl. "Woohoo! Go Pureri!" That's one less robot running around like an idiot. It could've been someone even dumber, like Dust Man. And to Ifrit, the sheer force of stupid that radiates from that one Delta would doom the world as long as Wily isn't made aware of it and make an army of Dust Man clones. "Somehow this feels like it's missing something. Maybe it's the popcorn. or maybe it's wonton Robot Master beatings everywhere else."
The young lady sees Crash Man getting ready to fire, and is instantly on the go; she knows just enough about Crash Man to know that she doesn't want any of what he's dishing out, and a quick duck-and-roll takes her narrowly out of the way of the heavy mortar. The young lady doesn't relent, though -- as soon as she's gotten herself out of the immediate path of danger, she comes right back in for another strike at Crash Man.
Her first priority is getting him away from the animals, insofar as such is possible in an environment like this. The young lady reaches down, grabbing at the arm that Crash Man's raised to shoot at her; from there, her solution is very, very simple, and consists entirely of whirling her body around and throwing Crash Man very, very far in the least populated direction.
People start talking about Daryn and Signas on the radio. Pureri adds her two cents, briefly.
Pureri strikes Crash Man with her Martial Arts attack.
Crash Man blows up something in the distance. This is moderately satisfying but lacks splatter. He rolls up to his feet, tries to say something, and finds himself unable to generate more than an 8-bit buzz. That's going to be a pain to fix.
With straw and dirt sticking to his back, Crash Man considers his problem as he is grappled and thrown. His body flips end over end as he sails away from animals and buildings, crashing through a fence into an unused patch of field. Superhumans. Metas. Furries. They're all the same to Crash Man.
Crash Man feints firing at Pureri again with his arm cannon, instead charging up his helmet gem to fire a laser blast at her. Is she faster than a focused stream of coherent light? Perhaps. It's really more if she's faster than the split-second flare on Crash Man's helmet or not.
Crash Man misses Pureri with his Head Laser attack.
"What the devi-aaaah!" Doctor Light exclaims, apon seeing the incoming legion of penguins! And by exclaims we mean 'screams like a girl', see. "You know how I feel about existential movies about sad, fatherless boys who end on an ambigious but most likely bad note, Albert! That's dirty pool! Arrgh!"
Light slips on one penguin, which was stepped on, but pulls the Golden's arm forward, fireing out a beam of concentrated plasma along the ground; one problem with being a penguin is that you cannot die, so when cartoon-a-phobit doctors fire plasma beams along the ground you're sliding on, you are very likely to explode. Light's wild swinging of the beam might even hit the Wilybear, while the Good Doctor is at it!
He takes a minute to go, "Go Prarie! Show the Crash Man what for!"
Ride Armor <Golden> strikes Wilymachine <WilyBear> with its Plasma Strafe attack.
Ah, Pureri has tackled The Crash Man Problem. It is in good (if delicate??) hands, then. Signas returns his full attention to the troublesome rocker. "Well Mr. Luna, that is commendable of you," he replies re: messing with Europe. "However, Europe, while large, is still only one part of the planet. Now I would like you to consider this." Signas holds up one hand, and a flat forcefield forms. But it is not for defense.
It is a powerpoint presentation. There is a picture of a cow superimposed on an American flag. "Cows are not originally native to this part of the world," Signas begins, and one of those ubiquitous red circles with a line through it appears over the cow. "But many species of cattle ARE native to Europe." An EU flag with a cow over it, and a large green checkmark. "Therefore, by attempting to steal this cow, you are, in fact, messing with Europe." He gives Daryn an appraising look. "Does peer pressure hold up to that /airtight logic/, Mr. Luna."
Signas crosses his arms again.
Oh you Meanie McMeanPants. Chronoton Duck's fro is utterly ruined. It rezzes out of existence almost as soon as pie spatters all over it. Duck returns to normal Chronoton Duck format and shrieks in pain and horror for several moments before, rather abruptly he stops.
Chronoton's orange optics burn out from under the pi pie covering his dented and smashed face, steam rising from some of the now burning filling. Duck points dramatically at Number Man.
"OBJECTION!"
Pause.
"YOU (omnomnom) CANNOT SWAY (omnomnom) THE OPINION OF (omnomnomnom) THIS COURT (omnomnomnom) WITH DELICIOUS (omnomnomnom) PIE!"
Somehow Duck manages to scream all of that while eating the pie off of his face. No. It doesn't make any physical sense to him either. Oh. Did we mention that while Duck was dramatically pointing at Number Man there was a brilliant flash of light that may momentarily freeze Number Man's internal clock and fill his vision with a still-motion, timestopper-esque image of the world... Even though one should not realize one is stuck in timestop?
Chronoton Duck strikes you with a glancing hit from his Stop attack
Number Man is temporarily disoriented by Chronoton Duck's Stop attack.
Number Man is thusly stuck in a TIME STOPPER (effect). The lights on his head freeze in place. For some reason, MC Hammer begins to play in the background.
Wilymachine <WilyBear> strikes Ride Armor <Golden> with its In Ur Pickinick Baskets - Eatin Ur Doods attack.
Wilymachine <WilyBear> weakens Ride Armor <Golden>.
"It's more than you deserve, Thomas! HAH! Feel my penguiny wrath!" The Doctor crows, until he notices that Thomas has not only somehow not perished in a cacaphony of penguin detonations, but also blasted the Wilybear neatly in the face. The Wilymachine smokes and shudders under the damage, but keeps on trucking. If anything is universal about Wilymachines, its theie ability to absorb ludicrous amounts of damage.
And then Thomas shifts his attention. Wily, as typical, takes full and ruthless advantage of such an opening. The Wilybear launches forward, clamping down on the Golden as the massive maw begins gnawing all over the machine, trying to get at those tender and succulent energy conduits.
Pureri gives a little wave and an "All right, Dr. Light!" to the Golden when he tells her to show Crash Man what for, in the same motion that she uses to whirl her body out of the way of the beam of light emitted from Crash Man's head gem -- it's all seamless. Pureri does a great job of taking her entire conscious field into account here -- she takes all the stimuli in at once, rather than trying to address them each in turn.
She bursts toward Crash Man at speeds that some hover cars don't manage without wrecking their engines. En route, she gives brief consideration to just what tactic to use; she then realizes a very minor flaw in her current strategy, and moves to correct it instantly.
She's approaching the fight at -just- the speed where fatigue and adrenaline work at an equal pace -- bad move, she realizes, now. And so, she decides, for now, to let the latter outpace the former, going in toward Crash Man with nothing more complex than a pair of palm strikes to the face as she finishes her run through the field.
Pureri strikes Crash Man with her Generic Melee attack.
Daryn opens his mouth, and then shuts it. He is having a hard time formulating an argument against Signas's presentation. Not so much because of the logic, but because he made a power presentation on it and makes it seem official. Daryn rubs his chin and then pulls out a small datapad, "Are you sure they are all native to Europe?" Daryn asks as he looks through wikipedia. "Let's see, they were originally the aurochs... primarily through Africa, Asia, ..." Daryn's eyes widen, "And Europe?!"
Daryn pockets the device, "Very well, Signas. Thanks to you, I know what I must do." He pats Signas on the side," Thank you."
He then promptly returns to the cow and wraps his arms around it, trying to lift it up.
"THIS COW BELONGS TO EUROPE!" Daryn yells, "NOT AMERICA! BAD COOOOOOOOOOOOW!"
Looks like the bear is getting nasty. "Aw man... Wily, stop raping Yogi Bear! Geeze! And you aren't even using the right bear for it anyway!" Yes, it's safe to say a giganto bear gnawing on the Hunter Ride Armor is not hard to miss. It's like watching Megazords fight. In this case, Ifrit's a squishy underneath the two gigantic war mechs, a toddler next to a pair of very angry adults. Maybe staying away would be a good idea. And let's make with the not-stealth already. He's got to get closer some time.
Okay, that hurt marginally more than the little machine gun bullets. Punk is slowly led away from the cow, mostly by trying to not be riddled with little bullet dents and holes. A few pierce his hide, ripping through the red metal and letting a bit of mechfluid spurt back out.
"I asked who you /think/ you are, with the idea of that no one is allowed to ruin my fun!" God, read between the lines. Punk rolls his eyes, making his length of overly huge chain appear from subspace. He starts swinging it about in front of him in a make sure barrier. This gives him just enough blockage to run down Tabea again, hauling his chain over his head as he nears and bringing it down overhead at Tabea's armor.
Punk strikes Tabea Klein with his Weighted Chain attack.
Crash Man blasts at Pureri with his laser. The laser doesn't work either. On top of that, Pureri is picking up speed. She moves like Charge Man. He tries to make a sarcastic comment, once again finds his voice inoperative, and settles for trying to deal with the problem more conventionally.
Crash Man gets smashed in the face by Pureri's palm strikes. Hard to hard, good form. He staggers back a few steps from the blows, his nose mashed down, and produces one of his pistols from subspace -- the Walther P99, a man's gun. Blindly, he lifts the pistol and fires a three round burst at a place Pureri might be in an effort to at least /bloody/ her a little.
Crash Man strikes Pureri with his Walther P99 attack.
"Wait. (omnomnom) That worked? (omnomnom) ????"
Chronoton Duck looks utterly shocked that Number Man is 'frozen' in place and apparently registering a Timestopper. It takes him so completely by surprise that Duck almost, /ALMOST/ forgets to do something to try to teach Number Man not to throw explosives at innocent ducks. Number Man's branez are probably even starting to stir from whatever it was that Duck did when, suddenly, Chronoton's Universal Remote Control fires energy beams like the world's most ridiculous shotgun effect. Each one explodes into a holographic television screen tuned to a home shopping network.
Except for the one right in front of Number Man. He's likely to come to just in time to see a giant clock striking 'hammer O'clock'. No. Seriously. The big hand is on the sledgehammer and the little hand is on the claw hammer. It's hammer O'clock. A second later, hammers start raining down on Number in a burning, stinging hail.
Duck rises into the air, arms and wings out-stretched as pulses of red energy swarm toward the battered and lightly pie encrusted Chronoton Duck.
Chronoton Duck strikes Ride Armor <Golden> with his Channel 2 - Quackvc attack.
Chronoton Duck drains energy from Ride Armor <Golden>.
Chronoton Duck strikes Wilymachine <WilyBear> with his Channel 2 - Quackvc attack.
Chronoton Duck drains energy from Wilymachine <WilyBear>.
Chronoton Duck misses Punk with his Channel 2 - Quackvc attack.
Chronoton Duck misses Pureri with his Channel 2 - Quackvc attack.
Chronoton Duck strikes you with a glancing hit from his Channel 2 - Quackvc attack for
Chronoton Duck drains energy from you.
Chronoton Duck misses Tabea Klein with his Channel 2 - Quackvc attack.
Chronoton Duck misses Signas with his Channel 2 - Quackvc attack.
Chronoton Duck strikes Daryn with his Channel 2 - Quackvc attack.
Chronoton Duck drains energy from Daryn.
Chronoton Duck misses Crash Man with his Channel 2 - Quackvc attack.
"Hey!" Light shouts, as the bear chomps into the ride armor's left arm, sparks flying and liquid fuel dripping dangerously out of the machine as the Good Doctor struggles with the Wilybear's power! "I was inspiring the next generation over here, you old coot! Seriously, not cool!"
The Golden is blasted by the power of Pieduck. Not psyduck. Yeah, I know. Light just sort of...boggles at this a little, the Golden scratching its cockpit a little while its other hand still fights with the power of the monsterous bear.
The Golden recovers, rolling to the right and backwards, so as to pull both feet up and under the Wilybear's gut. The machine then pulls each leg back and forth, back and forth, inceasing speed to Fred Flinstonian porportions, legs blurring as Light sends a barrage of fancy, fancy footwork in order to try and shove the Wilybear off of his grill! "What are you planning with mangets, anyway?"
Ride Armor <Golden> strikes Wilymachine <WilyBear> with its Fancy Footwork attack.
"W-- well played, Mr. Luna," Signas breathes, shocked but unwilling to concede defeat. "But you are missing a key point here. If this cow does indeed belong to Europe, then you must ask yourself what it is doing here, in America." Signas leans down. "Is it here unwillingly? If so, then your actions are in most ways justified. But..." Signas leans down even further. "What if it is merely visiting?" Both brows raise pointedly.
"Ah, just a moment, Mr. Luna," the Diplomat says, stepping backwards and under the lee of the barn to avoid the rain of pain. Once it is done, he steps back out. "So you see, it is important to discern the true reasons behind the cow's presence here before taking such drastic actions."
Tabea Klein fails to notice that Chronotron is firing energy pulses, mostly because they don't go anywhere near her or Punk.
The chain strikes her armour and leaves dents behind, several quite large ones; it also peels the paint right off as he draws it back for his next swing. But that means he's in close, right where Tabea wants him.
She steps forward, bringing her left hand up before snapping it downward; a blue energy beam arcs off it, moving like a whip and bursting into a bright flash where she cracks it next to Punk. Simultaneously, Tabea triggers Besch�tzer's defensive system, causing small ports all over the body to open up and cover it in a weirdly rippling blue-purple aura of kinetic energy.
Tabea Klein brings her reflect system online.
Tabea Klein strikes Punk with her Photon Lash attack.
The young ninja takes fast action against Crash Man's positively ridiculous bullets; she catches one between her fingers, but another clips her along the side of her stomach, and yet another catches her near the elbow. It's not as bad as getting shot at /can/ be but it's still pretty bad -- and spending a moment favoring that damaged side takes her out of the way of Chronoton's completely ridiculous friendly fire.
Pureri is loath to get close enough for Crash Man to pull off a point blank shot with his arm or that gun while he's still got it, but doesn't quite want to get far enough /out/ to allow him to aim effectively. This seems like an intractable proposition for a second -- until she realizes she /does/ have a trick that puts her at precisely that distance.
The young lady takes a step in and swings her arm up, seemingly far too early to actually strike Crash Man; however, a somewhat impressive bloom of air springs up in the path of her hand, whipping into the Master's chest and gun-arm full speed. Go, Pureri! Defend the adorable barnyard animals!
Pureri misses Crash Man with her Bloom attack.
Number Man's functions were just begining to work again, when Number Man gets hammers rained upon him. And while normally these would hurt Number Man alot, these are weird energy based hammers, and thusly Number Man's systems are able to redirct and disperse the energy from the attack.
Number Man, still looking fresh and ready for a fight, looks over at the Duck "Hey, Duck," Number Man begins, charging a bit of viral energy in his hand "Have you ever had VIRUS, before?" Number Man then rushes up to Chronoton and slams the ball of Virus onto Chronotons face.
You strike Chronoton Duck with a glancing hit from your Data Scrambler attack.
Energy pulses rain down around Crash Man and Pureri, but none of them get close enough to connect. By now, Crash Man's battered badly enough to really need to tax himself to stay ahead of his opponent. Who is this girl? It must be a Strider. Maybe Crash can get Mai on the radio and make her call the girl off, but his voice doesn't work. Damn.
Crash Man feels atmospheric currents billowing around him, and something in Crash Man's mind snaps. His eyes burn as the air smacks at him, knocking him down to the ground. By some fluke, he manages not to take a lot of damage, mostly being dented up from hitting the ground badly.
Crash Man deactivates his cannon to generate his other hand, holding onto the gun with both hands as he lies prone. He fires up at Pureri, re-enacting the shot from Reservoir Dogs as precisely as his perfect positronic brain can manage. Now he's angry. But why?
Crash Man strikes Pureri with his The Master With The Golden Gun attack.
"The next generation can handle itself!" Wily yells. "THIS generation still needs fixing!" The Thousand Foot Kick strikes the Wilybear, however, knocking it backwards in a flurry of punting. The WilyMachine hits the ground, rolling and digging up a long trench that sends it skidding right up next to the Magnetic Chicken's coop... But Wily doesn't seem to notice, even when the chicken struts over and pecks at the white metal hide, sticking to it for a moment. The Wilybear rises, zapped by the Duck, but it shrugs the minor damage off. Right now, Wily has only one thing in mind: Taking down Thomas. "Why would I tell you, Thomas? You think you're smarter than I am, YOU guess!" The Doctor swings past, charging in once more sweep a massive (and damaged) paw for the Golden.
Wilymachine <WilyBear> misses Ride Armor <Golden> with its Raw Paw attack.
"UWAARGGGH!!" Daryn cries as red pulses slam into Daryn's back, "TREACHERY! DECEIT! SHOT IN THE BACK BY THE BIG DUCKO! ACtually," Daryn blinks twice, "I think I might be bleeding." He rubs his back, "No wait, no. Not bleeding. But still, ouch! Gosh."
Daryn drops his hand and looks back to Signas. He seems to buy this logic a little less than the logic that it is from Europe. For one thing, the cow isn't wearing any clothes and it doesn't seem to be engaging in holiday activity. And there's a lot of cows. Still, it's a possibility.
"Well," Daryn thinks, "It would have a passport if it was just visiting. Where do cows keep their passports." Daryn looks under the cow for a moment then opens the cows mouth to try and see if it's in there.
The cow bites his hand. Chewmp.
"Ngrghhh..." Daryn hisses.
Daryn strikes Daryn with his Generic Melee attack.
Okay. No worries. So that could've used a little more thought before snapping off that comment. "It would be very ironic if I were to just poke that robo-bear with my finger and knock it over.." It would indeed. Ifrit could seriously fall into a coma if that happened however. The idea though is to stay alive, not do something crazy like poke a rabid robotic bear operated by a nutcase. "And the death rain is a nice effect. Wait.. That's.. Okay I'm not going to start on how wrong THAT is right there." He's now inside area range, if anyone else wants to go berzerk.
Pureri has never seen Reservoir Dogs, and as such, her own reenactment of the shot may be imperfect; however, she takes the fired shot squarely in the chest, falling back. She rolls with the fall, at least, which makes it a little less terrible than it could be -- however, she stays on the ground for a moment, twitching her back a little. She has to do this /just/ right, and it's hard to do from the ground...
However, she can manage. The young lady arches her back a little, then uses nearly every muscle in her body to launch herself into the air with what, from any /normal/ human being, would just be a kip-up. The girl's body goes end over end, and as her leg slices through the air just so, it displaces a whole mess of wind.
In midflight, Pureri tries to figure out what could be eating Crash Man; maybe it's his inability to actually manage anything other than buzzes and beeps from his voicebox at the moment. She knows /she'd/ probably get bothered by that pretty quick.
Pureri misses Crash Man with her Crosswinds attack.
A proton whip! And reflect?! Crap. This human shaped piece of metal is really getting under Punk's skin. Literally. The proton whip comes about, cutting up a thick swatch of Punk's torso. Well, he's pretty much all torso. Looks like he isn't going to have the luxury of playing nice anymore.
Punk furrows his brow inward, keeping in close with Tabea. While that may be where she wants him, that's also where he wants him, because he has this impressive fist. It's best to show by example. Kinetic energy or not, Punk slowly swings the chain up in the air, wrapping a length of it around his fist. He lets the rest of it dangle, instead bringing the fist, chain and all, around for the Power armor's chest.
Punk misses Tabea Klein with his Chain Fist attack.
But this time, Doctor Light is ready. The Golden squats for a second, and as the paw flies, it kicks into the air, leaping up and over not just the paw, but the Wilybear itself, turning around mid-air in order to land facing the monstrous bear-thing! The worrisome part is that the Golden's right arm is blinking a, yes, golden color, while the faint, ominous hum of a charge shot readying itself can be heard.
"You know what gets me?" Light says, sticking his tongue out...well, mentally...and locking up his aim, "I never said I was smarter than you. I just act like, you know, me, and everyone thinks I'm being pretentious. Why is that? Was I poorly socialized? I don't think I'm unfriendly, or condescending..."
"Also: You're tired of not knowing who keeps stealing your chicken nuggets, and figure a clucking magnet will let you find the culprit!" Light guesses with a grin in his voice, as the charged blast of plasma screams towards the partially revealed cockpit of the Wilysaucer!
Ride Armor <Golden> strikes Wilymachine <WilyBear> with its Plasma Suppression Fire attack.
Crash Man pulls himself up, generating an undulating static burst of wrath. He swings his gun down and sinks to one knee for a moment, rallying strength as Pureri also snaps herself back up. The hated black wind comes at Crash Man again, sealing his fate --
-- and Big Wily Style manifests in Crash Man. His eyes flash, and somewhere in the background of his optics, a beer can crunches down over a pit of other crunched beer cans.
The wind rushes around Crash Man. He keeps low, making himself as aerodynamic as possible. The burst of wind tears at him, ripping loose a few plates of extraneous armor but still not doing the ruinous damage it should be doing. The Crash Man is fully engorged with fury. He will not be stopped.
As Pureri sails down from her leap, Crash Man burns through the rest of the clip of the Walther, blasting at her again and again. He rises up as the gun runs down, finally ejecting the clip at the end of the bullet spree so to slap in a fresh one. Crash Man, recklessly, stupidly, begins to march toward her, smouldering with the true fury of the Beta.
Crash Man misses Pureri with his Nickel Plated Nine attack.
Slowly Duck drops from the skies to land with a *CLINK*.
And then there is Number Man all up in Chronoton's freshly repaired grill. WITH VIRAL ENERGY. Chronoton /SHRIEKS/ in pain and horror as Number Man gives Duck an energy swirlie to end all energy swirlies. Duck breaks away somehow and sputters and coughs up green energy loogies for several seconds while he swipes around at the air for a few moments.
In turn, this flailing and blind swiping ends up dooming Number Man and Chronoton Duck both. Duck not only punches himself in the bill, he also hits the 9 button. Debris (and Duck) are abruptly ripped up into the air and spun around viciously, launching into things and possibly Number Man. Seconds later, Duck gets air-sick. Viscous green mechfluids, mostly coolants and anti-freeze, but also mixed with that green, viral energy Duck was just spitting out due to his swirlie, start spewing from Duck's bill like so much pea soup from a possessed little girl's physics defying body.
Chronoton Duck strikes you with a major hit from his Channel 9 - The Poultrygeist attack
Chronoton Duck misses Chronoton Duck with his Channel 9 - The Poultrygeist attack.
Signas continues to monitor the surrounding battle with part of his formidable mind, but his immediate concern is the cow. "Well Mr. Luna, most cows carry their passport as a tattoo or a tag," he explains, fudging the facts. "Generally on an ear. Let us check th-- oh my. You seem to have upset the cow."
The Diplomat reaches up to rub at the cow's lower jaw, frowning. "Hold still, I saw this on Future Discovery Channel... this should cause the cow to involuntarily relax her jaw."
Tabea Klein slides across the ground, lifted up slightly from contact by the shield. It even runs over the feet of the power armour - there isn't much of a safe zone, although it ripples brighter and dimmer at random as the systems pulse gently.
The fist misses by about an inch. Tabea reflexively brings her machine gun down on it, activating the melee systems at the same time. This would not be very impressive except for the fact that the melee systems consist of a series of blades, or perhaps a saw, connected by some sort of chain that runs down the barrel on both sides.
Tabea Klein strikes Punk with her Chainsaw Drive attack.
Pureri turns her kip-up-kick into another roll instantly, going under the bullets as they come in; if she'd just stuck a landing, she probably would've taken a good five or six to the stomach, but as it is she just comes dangerously close to taking one or two in the head. When she turns her attention to Crash Man himself again, the intense fury is obvious... Pureri would /like/ to know what's eating him, but the Master can't talk -- she can't know.
Pureri lets Crash Man march in toward her; the closer Crash gets, the more effectively she can keep him in the field, away from the animals. She can't let him get back to the rest of the Masters -- those poor barnyard animals might get exploded by Crash Bombs! And that's terrible. As terrible as forty cakes.
This time, she sticks to plain, simple maneuvers. As Crash Man moves in toward her, the young lady takes a quick step forward, snakes one of her arms under Crash Man's right arm, and then -- if she gets a good grip -- sends him straight to the ground with a fast judo flip. Her form is slightly less than perfect, as the bullet wounds in her arm start acting up a little, though.
Pureri strikes Crash Man with her Judo Technique attack.
"Don't death camps do that? How do I know this isn't a death camp for cows?" Daryn crosses his freed up arm. It's a little awkward. Daryn is willing to wait for Signas to work his mojo. He isn't so sure he even wants a cow that bites him anymore, especially since now he has to take it to Europe instead, but he still has this feeling that he's being thrown for a loop!
"And how can I tell if it's authentic anyway?"
Crash leaves a lot of ejected brass on the ground but causes relatively little damage. Mechanically reloading his gun, Crash Man produces a second Walther in his off-hand as he marches at Pureri, a murderous killing machine on a mission. Crash Man is not having fun. Crash Man is not smiling. Crash Man is killing now.
Crash Man is grabbed before he can jump. Pureri grapples onto him and throws him down to the ground hard enough to knock the guns out of his hands. Crash hits so hard that he bounces off the ground, sparks flying from his body as secondary systems start being taxed. There is not much left in the Crash Man, even in his relentless pursuit of victory. There is only one answer left.
Crash Man generates his arm cannon again, aiming it at Pureri. Pureri is between him and the barnyard by the way he fell. Crash is no longer looking for collateral damage. Crash Man is looking to kill the Pink Wonder.
The Crash Bomber forms with a fast charge in Crash Man's arm cannon, systems complaining about the rapid buildup of chemicals and energy. Crash forces it through, ignoring the distress, and attempts to sock the Crash Bomber into Pureri's stomach.
This is normally a part where you would get a quip. Crash Man only manages to make a soft crackly noise that vaguely sounds like speech in a language no one speaks.
Crash Man misses Pureri with his Crash Bomber attack.
The blast strikes the Saucer, causing a series of detonations throughout the Wilybear. It lolls, smoke rising from a number of vents and holes in it as internal systems begin failing due to massive damage. Wily, however, is shaken. And stirred. He leans forward over the control panel, cybernetic eye gleaming malevolently. "You're in denial, Thomas. You might not admit you think you're better than everyone else, but you sure act like it. No one likes the All-Father schtick." He wrenches at the controls, pulling the Wilybear around with effort. "I'll let you keep thinking that. Of course, it has nothing to do with my REAL nefarious plot! Now, you might be wondering why I built a Bear. In fact, you might be wondering why it's a polar bear, of all things. So, why would I design a massive polar bear to shred anything in my path?"
Wily grins, madly, as the WilyBear lunges for the Golden once more, bringing two terrible paws down to begin a series of mauls. "It's because I CAN!"
Wilymachine <WilyBear> strikes Ride Armor <Golden> with its Wily Explains The Polar Bear attack.
Number Man is suddenly assualted by random junk and ducks. Which is probably half the reason why Number Man gets in the first place! Number Man gets flatted bit a few ducks and debris, wherein Number Man /barely/ manages to push the junk off of him. Number Man looms over the downed Duck, he speaks evenly "You know Duck, I think it's time for you to go to sleep." Number Man picks up a large piece of debree, "FOREVER!" Number Man smashes said debris into Chronoton.
You strike Chronoton Duck with a glancing hit from your Hard Reset attack.
Go Judo! Go Golden! Go Pureri! "Hey Wily! Your explination sucks!" Ifrit is THIS close to actually teleporting up onto one of those bear arms so he could jump and punch it in the nose for all the very insignificant good it would do.
Man. Chainsaws on this power armor? Maybe the Freakshow are getting less stupid. Maybe not. The chainsaw cuts up through Punk's armor briefly, chainblades grinding into the armor, slowly working a hole into it. Finally, Punk grabs it with his big meaty hand, starting to force it back and away from himself. "I got one of those myself." Punk snarls to the power armor.
Punk doesn't go into fullblown buzzsaw mode, but he pulls himself along the chainblade, shoving his head forward and down. The huge mohawk blades ripple upward in his own sort of sawing motion as he slams his torsohead forward, trying to cut out a good section of those reflect generators.
Punk strikes Tabea Klein with his Headbutt attack.
Tabea Klein successfully reflects Headbutt.
"An unfortunate coincidence," Signas explains, reaching up to examine the cow's ear tag. "After all, where else would a cow keep a passport? Can you imagine a cow wearing a purse?" Signas takes a split second to imagine exactly that. The line of his mouth twitches. Clearly it is an amusing thought even to him.
"Look here, Mr. Luna," he says, pointing at the incomprehensible lines and barcodes and codes on the ear tag. "This one says that the cow is indeed a native of Europe." He points at another one. "This one states that she is, in fact, from Austria." And to one near the bottom. "This is her entry permit. It says she arrived in America last week."
These are all lies. But Signas is a very good diplomat.
Adrenaline surges as Pureri sees Crash Man cycling up the full power of his weapon; she knows just enough about weapons systems to know when something is going to happen, thanks to Cerveau, and that looks like something that is definitely going to result in something happening. The young lady's eyes widen, and the pain in her arm and side subsides long enough for her to handle the assault.
Pureri sees Crash Man coming in toward her stomach. She moves just slightly to the side, no more than a half twitch, and clamps her arms down on Crash Man's hand as forcefully as she can manage, twisting it just far enough for the resultant Crash Bomber to fly to the side, lightly scorching both the Pink Wonder and the Master who wielded it.
When something like /that/ comes into play, Pureri knows that it is definitely time to go for raw, crippling damage -- and she does have Crash Man's hand in her own. Letting out a fearsome kiai, the young lady begins to swing Crash Man around and around; one of her hands has a particularly weak grip thanks to Crash Man's bullets, and if he has the mental wherewithal to get out of the way, the time comes when she very briefly transfers him to a one-handed grip with the arm in question after two full swings.
Pureri misses Crash Man with her Aerial Technique attack.
- BONK*
Chronoton Duck's helmeted skull caves in under the force of Number Man's blow to the Duck Knight's much abused cranium. He waddles/toddles backward several dozen steps before his bootjets suddenly flare, instantly wilting the grass beneath his feet. Duck is leaned backward at an impossible angle, balanced only on the very edges of his webbed Frankenboots.
"My r-r-r-r-r-r-regards to M-m-m-m-m-m-m-Miss Fuzzbottom von Dankenwurst, my g-g-g-g-g-g-g-good lady."
The bootjets promptly launch Duck backward and upward at an awkward, unstable angle that causes him to crash through the walls of the stable before glancing off of a tree and disappearing over the horizon with a very Team Rocket *plink*
Chronoton Duck retreats from the area swiftly, outdistancing all pursuit and parting shots.
Light pauses.
The Golden just /stops/. "Tell me you are not going to reverse the earth's magnetic poles with the help of a pair of bases at the North Pole and Antartic-AAAAA!"
The Golden is mauled, huge claw-rips dig into the machine, hunks of armor, internal circutry, and steaming fuel back up lines leave the Golden with a limping, broken appearence, as Light struggles to get a little space, but as they get closer to the barn, Light stops backsliding, scowling. He won't ruin someone's home over this! "I still vote the plan with chicken nuggets." Light points out, as a hidden compartment on the chest of the Golden pops open, a rocket flying out and screeching towards the maw of the Wilybear!
Wilymachine <WilyBear> deflects Rocket Launcher from Ride Armor <Golden>.
Tabea Klein agrees that more guns should have chainsaws on them.
Unfortunately for Punk, 'cut out the reflect generators' has a middle step of 'activating those reflect generators'. Pulses of purple kinetic energy simultaneously slow down and weaken the impact of his saw and send pulses of force back at him. It's not a lot, but it's enough to stop Tabea from having Besch�tzer totally shredded.
Some of the reflect generators do cut out, though, leaving Tabea with a slightly less regular ripple in her field. She says something sharp in French and then, apparently, goes to slap Punk's back. Then she runs away.
This is because she has planted a blue-pulsing grenade there. About five seconds later, it explodes in a wash of blue energy and - well, explosion.
Tabea Klein strikes Punk with her Pulse Grenade attack.
Number Man is now suddenly left alone with the sudden retreat from Chronot- I mean the Knightly Duck. Number Man lets out a sigh of relief, and takes this moment to recharge his weapons systems.
You forfeit a turn to charge WE.
Crash Man fires off his Crash Bomber. It sails through the air and clamps onto the side of a conveniently placed propane tank, flashing once before sending up a tremendous orange-yellow explosion into the air. Property damage points will at least be handed out for Crash Man's efforts.
The fight isn't over yet. Crash Man does not relent. He is grabbed and lifted, swung around savagely before being thrown up into the air -- where Crash Man smacks into the shockwave of the propane explosion and is thrown back the other way. The atmospheric pressure pushes on his systems, threatening to crush them, but somehow Crash Man endures.
Crash drops down, landing unevenly on the ground behind Pureri. He squeezes his hand once, producing a pack of C4, and spikes it down at the ground before leaping up again. The shaped charge discharges in Pureri's direction. At this range, it will take pure technique to evade the blast.
Crash Man strikes Pureri with his Shaped Charge attack.
"You know.. I always wondered.. Wait, is that the giant-headed uber geek?" Ifrit peered across the field. It's Number Man alright. So THAT is what the nerd looks like. "Hey, DUMBWIN!" Fingerpoint! "You've got a hole in your hand!" The question is, does Number Man REALLY have holey hands? There's just a faint glint of light when Ifrit pointed his finger..
Munitions Ifrit strikes you with a glancing hit from his Don't Blink attack
The pulses drive back into Punk's body, ripping out the another thick section of his body. Then Tabea starts running the crap away! Come on Freakshow!
Wait, no, crap. The grenade goes off, blowing a huge hole into Punk's back. He ignores it for now, though the rather tremendous volume of light covers his view of Tabea. Hm. Punk shifts his head about, looking into the blinding field. Well crap. Punk hmmms, looking back over at the cruise missile. He then shifts forward into his buzzsaw mode and takes off into the field. He'll be back.
With more 'fireworks'
Punk changes into his BuzzSaw armor.
Punk retreats from the area swiftly, leaving him open to pursuit or parting shots from Chronoton Duck and Pureri.
Pureri thrusts a hand out in the traditional 'stop' mudra, but it's a split second late; all she gets is a handful of explosion. She recoils momentarily, clutching her hand; she won't be able to use that hand for a bit, to say the least. Crash Man's gambit has bought him a great deal of success against the Pink Wonder.
However, any martial artist worth his or her salt realizes that he or she has /two/ arms, two legs, a head, and a torso, all of which -- with a little ingenuity -- can be used as striking surfaces. Pureri shifts her focus down toward her legs, considering a little more fancy footwork in her assault on Crash Man.
An idea pops into the young lady's head, and she puts it into effect almost immediately. The girl takes a few quick sidesteps around the field, ducking low and looking like she's going to try the old dirty trick of dirt in the optics. She has her good hand in the dirt and everything. She holds this position just long enough for Crash Man to hopefully take the bait.
And then she springs into action. Pushing off of the ground with that hand and both legs, Pureri launches herself toward the Robot Master's head. She swings her legs around, trying to catch the battered Master with them; she then kicks her legs just so, and starts a rapid-fire series of flips, dragging Crash Man along for the ride. Her speed is tremendous, and the air itself is Crash Man's worst enemy as it tears into him over and over; it stops, mercifully, when she finally slams Crash down in what he probably knows as a
Pureri strikes Crash Man with her Aerial Supremacy attack.
Frankensteiner.
Wily mauls the Golden with furious vengeance and lots of bear power.
He pauses, and the canopy pops open for Doctor Wily to loom menacingly. "No, actually. I plan to..." He pauses dramatically. "HOLD THE FLAVOR OF CHICKEN ACROSS THE WORLD HOSTAGE WITH MY MAGNETOFLAVINATOR!"
Behind the Wilybear, Cloud Man arranges for a dramatic thundercrash, before flying off.
"When I can change the taste of chicken, everything will no longer taste like it! The world itself will tremble! MWAAHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!" Wilybrows flex mightily on both Wily and the Bear, despite the damage done to the WilyBear. The canopy closes, then, and Wily points from within. "AND ONLY YOU, THOMAS LIGHT, STAND IN MY WAY!" The rocket flies for Wily, but the mear bats the munition out of the way with a sweep, sending it exploding somewhere harmless (to Wily). The mecha then follows up by wrestling the golden towards the barn. His attacks are simple and straightforward at this point, using only...
Wilymachine <WilyBear> misses Ride Armor <Golden> with its The Bear Necessities attack.
Daryn looks at the incomprehensible lines and barcodes on the ear tag. "Hm." Daryn says, "It's true that I can't read barcodes." He rubs his chin and looks at the other one, "Boy, it's like a suitcase isn't it." He looks at the last one, "My word, she's only been here for a week!?"
He rubs his chin, "How did you come to know so much about cow passports?" Daryn asks, completely distracted from the objective which was--what again? Did the magnetic chicken 'fly the coop'?!
It takes going down to Crash Man's level to beat him. In the end, Pureri is more than capable of this feat, even if she had to work for it.
Crash lands from his next jump as Pureri starts to feign going for dirt. He takes the half-second to snap down his visor, giving Pureri the opportunity to lunge at him. He barely knows what's happening until the end. Pureri grapples onto him, knocking him off his feet.
The two pinwheel through the air, Crash Man leaking mech-fluid and sparks with every rotation. The air pressure finally overcomes that extra layer of Enker Wax and Big Wily Style, hammering into his body. Armor dents and twists, internals mash and pop, and Crash Man's systems start shutting down in preparation for an imminent e-ring.
Crash finishes his flight by being driven into the ground like a railroad tie. He smashes down against the ground head-first, where he lingers for a few seconds before falling back and to the right, motionless. He's done.
When a ten-count passes somewhere, a Prop-Top drops down onto the sky, lands on Crash Man with a *thunk*, and propels itself back toward the stealth transport with Crash Man stuck to the bottom of it.
Crash Man retreats from the area swiftly, leaving him open to pursuit or parting shots from Chronoton Duck and Pureri.
The Duck retreated. That is bad. Punk retreated. That is good. Crash, Number and Wily still on-scene. Bad. Pureri, Tabea, Minitions, Dr. Light still on-scene. Good. Odds: favourable.
"It is a skill I acquired during my training as a diplomat," Signas explains to Daryn, releasing the cow's ear tag. "One never knows when one must inspect a bovine passport. One must always be prepared." The Diplomat reaches up to tap the side of his head. "It is all up here. The result of hard work and long hours of study." He pauses, not wanting to encourage Daryn to go home and study cow passports and find that they don't exist. "Long, /long/ hours. Of gruelling study," he adds.
That should do it.
"Oh, come on now, really? You did the change color or flavor or whatever thing before." The Golden slide charges over, both arms pumping out to block both opening attacks from the Wilybear, the machine holding its left arm to struggle for a moment or three longer than Light normally would, as he catches Wily's glowering. Internally, Light can't help but feel an icy prickle of fear as he realizes that Wily does have enough of a plan that he's misdirecting. "Well, you're right about the last part, Albert." Light says, and despite being incorporeal, Wily can /hear/ the irritating smirk on Thomas's face. "And I've told you..."
"...back off.." Light manages, "...from the BARN!" And the right arm, shaking with power, surges forward, trying to simply punch the Wilybear across the field and into a hilariously large haystack!
Ride Armor <Golden> strikes Wilymachine <WilyBear> with its Deep Punch attack.
Tabea Klein seems as surprised as anyone else when Punk flies away. "Uh," she says, then, "Well, okay, then." The weird rippling aura cuts out as Tabea saves what's left of the internal batteries for later. She heads toward the rocket-toting cow, then, presumably to de-rocket the poor thing.
Tabea Klein brings her reflect system offline.
"No, I think my hand is alright." Number Man then blinks as a hole appears in his hand randomly "Huh, that kinda hurts." Number Man pauses for a moment "Where did that come from anyways?!" Number Man thinks some more, trying to figure out when this might have happened. He draws a blank.
"Oh well, like it matters!" Number Man reaches into his subspace pocket once more and procures a giant time bomb! The counter (starting at 5) begins to count down "HERE, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS!" Number Man shrieks, he throws the Bomb over at Munitions, and unfortunately for Tabea, she is caught in the blast radius!
The timer hits 0 upon landing. *BOOM!*
You strike Tabea Klein with a solid hit from your Time Bomb attack.
You strike Munitions Ifrit with a solid hit from your Time Bomb attack.
Is he misdirecting? Maybe! Who can tell which plan is the real one or not? Hell, maybe ALL of them are actual plans. That might be the most frightening one of all. Wily has no time to gloat over this, however, as the Golden sends the Wilybear flying into the massive haystack, sending hay everywhere in great clouds.
And there is a crackle of electricity as a tiny needle wedges into a sensitive spot. Wily howls in rage, wrenching the bearly operational machine to its paws one more time. Hissing ice coealsces into an icicle, which the bear swings forward and launches at the Golden. "You know who else should stay away from the barn?" Wily asks... And then laughs in a fit of childsh spite. "YOUR MOTHER!"
Wilymachine <WilyBear> misses Ride Armor <Golden> with its Forget About Your Worries And Your Life attack.
The young lady quickly gets herself back off of Crash Man once she's done planting his head in the ground; no sooner has she removed herself from him than the Prop-Top retrieves him. She does not pursue him; he is removed from the battlefield and there are no important, sensitive objectives that she has to get back from him, so hitting him would be altogether dishonorable and needless.
The young lady starts to head back toward the main section of the farm, once again moving as silently as possible, darting around to various bits of cover -- including some small wreckage from that completely insane propane explosion earlier.
Ouf. Well, that has a good knockback effect. A flying Ifrit is a funny sight to see. "Hmm. Judging by the cloud of dust that threw, and the amount of dull pain I feel which is about to be made worse, plus this big dent on my chest plate.. Your bomb is lacking in power. But I'm not worried." He's sailing in the wrong direction. Not away from Number, but AT Number. "You should be though.." His path is a direct course of pain, and he does of course eventually land. And when he does it comes with a distinct THOOM and a small flush of fire and a concussive displacement wave. Plus he's now on fire. oops.
Munitions Ifrit strikes you with a minor hit from his Fire Bomb
Daryn pulls his hand out of the cow's mouth. "If you didn't know that much about cows, Signas, a terrible tragedy would have occured." He pats Signas, smiles, and says, "Thank you for stopping me, Signas."
Daryn bobs his head, steps back and waves, "See you later." And he turns--heading straight for the unusually extra-metallic chicken coop.
Tabea Klein frees the cow and sends it running away by smacking it once (sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind).
Then she is caught in an explosion she never saw coming. It doesn't knock her power armour over, although it does stumble a little; Tabea immediately spins, guesses more or less where the bomb came from, sees Number Man, decides to call it good even if it /wasn't/ him, and discharges a quintet of missiles from one of those overlarge shoulder pads; apparently they flip up into a missile pod.
Who knew?
Tabea Klein strikes you with a solid hit from her Missile Pod attack.
Light takes a second to make a mental note regarding Pureri. If she's still around after the fight...and if he can beat Albert...he'll need to woah icicle!
"That was cold, Albert!" Light can't resist, doing another dash charge forward and actually headbutting the icicle, shattering it into...well, only three or four pieces, rather than a million or something, but Light doesn't have time to be choosy. "Hah! See what I did there? See it? No? No? Okay."
Light then pulls the Golden's arm forward, actually becoming visible for a moment as the entire right arm shifts and twists, metal, plastic, and energy crystals shifting in order to form an enormous, glowing arm cannon. "And jeze, man, how many times are you going to razz me over the orphan thing? I mean, I have about as much chance finding out about my parents as you do finding out about your never mentioned father. Face it, Al, character development's for the younger set these days. That said!" And Light's speech is cut off by the huge blast of gleaming, blinding golden energy rippling from the cannon right towards the Wilybear!
Ride Armor <Golden> misses Wilymachine <WilyBear> with its Golden Beam attack.
One animal down. One to go? Signas shakes his head just slightly, and sets off after Daryn, swiftly catching up with the shorter cyborg. "Mr. Luna, what is your interest in this chicken coop," he asks conversationally. "Surely the Robot Masters cannot be so hard up for money that they must resort to stealing /chicken/." Pause. "One can purchase chicken at the supermarket, after all."
This is going to be a long night. He just knows it.
Daryn says, "Well you see." He tells Signas, "This isn't that kind of chicken." He steps into the excessively metal chicken coop and looks through, "Now let's see he---OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--"
Daryn chose to wear his armor today. The magnetic chicken slams into Daryn so hard that he goes sailing out the door and flies several yards away from the cihcken coop, "ARGGHH!!! IT IS STUCK TO MY FAAAAAAAACE!"
The chicken flaps rapidly, and bites, and pecks, totally freaking out!!?
Daryn strikes Daryn with his Exotic Weapon Proficiency - You attack.
Number Man then finds himself being assualted by the Ifirit and the random girl who no one cares about! Man, some people just cannot handle being exploded can they? The Fire Bomb strikes Number Man on the chest, causing a giant hole to appear there. Then some freaking /missles/ decide to rain down on ERWIN, causing him to go flying into the air and crash pretty hard.
Number Man gets up once more, his domed head cracking here and there, he coughs up some Mechafluid. He looks at his new oppenents, deciding to not mess with them anymore, Number Man decides to get the heck out of there and take them on another day.
Number Man retreats from the area swiftly, leaving him open to pursuit or parting shots from Chronoton Duck, Pureri, Wilymachine <WilyBear>, and Crash Man.
It's amazing how missiles rained down in that exact area and they only hit Number Man. "Wow, that was wierd." Ifrit had to say it. Though he couldn't get up fast enough to chase Number Man, he did get to note the speed for himself. And then the giant bear grabbed his attention again. "One nerd down, one giant freaking bear mockery to go.. Come on Golden, beat it to shreds so I don't have to be lame and punch it in the nose and say 'bad robobear'!" ... Uh, what?
Munitions Ifrit forfeits a turn to charge WE.
Signas stands there, watching Daryn battle the chicken. For a brief moment, he is not entirely sure how to deal with this situation. Then, calm but loud enough to be heard over the racket: "Mr. Luna, I can disengage the chicken from your face."
Signas kneels down over the thrashing duo, trying to look Daryn in the eye. "I will do so now if you promise not to try and steal the chicken again once it has been removed." He leans a little closer to the interspecies brawl. "Can you promise that, Daryn. Can you promise that for the sake of your face."
"Your sense of humor is as terrible as your filing system!" Wily yells, defiantly. "And look, we're all going to just find out we're descended from people we'd probably rather not think about, so I feel justified in going there. Suck it up already." The massive beam charges, and Wily sees only one chance. He reaches over, slamming a fencepost downwards. This upsets a feed trough, resulting in the pigs to go running towards it past a heard of grazing cows. The cows, spooked by a sudden run on the trough, begin mooing, one falling over onto another fence. This fence falls down over the trough, turning into a fulcrum that launches one of the greedy pigs through the air in a perfect ballistic arc... That slams into the side of the Golden's armcannon, shifting it the fraction of an inch Wily needed to escape the beam... By burrowing underground.
The ground rumbles, only for the Bear to erupt under the Golden, a massive paw bringing a hunk of rebar down for the cockpit. "Besides, Thomas! I'm getting PLENTY of development! You're just jealous because you're stuck giving out upgrades!"
Wilymachine <WilyBear> strikes Ride Armor <Golden> with its A Smackerel Of Wily attack.
Pureri stalks toward Daryn when she sees him running around ridiculously with a magnetic chicken stuck to his face. The young lady hears Signas talking about removing it if he promises not to steal it; even if Signas ends up not removing it, Pureri probably will, if only to take the chicken into brief protective custody with LEGIONS until the Robot Masters lose interest. While in protective custody, the chicken will, of course, be allowed to do all its favorite chicken things.
Pureri hides behind a barn door, watching the saga as it unfolds.
"Oh what the-" FLYING PIG'd! Doctor Light boggles as the Golden misses by THIIIIS MUCH, and the terrible beam goes soaring! Soaring. Soaring...
...soaring...
"No one will expect me to build a secret base in Nevada!" Dr. Takeshi Shinchiro crows evily, laughing while his horrible robotic arms wave pom-poms! "I mean, my people've basicly avoided this part of the country since the 1800s, sce it devoured the better part of a generation. But soon, my lair will be complete, and I shall..."
KRAKA-BOOOM!
Takeshi looks up at the smoking remains of his evil lair, for a moment, before clamly laying down, curling up with a blanket, and proceding to suck his thumb.
Meanwhile, Doctor Light says, "Zounds!" as he's roughed up mole style! "I didn't know bears dug! But can they..." A left, to the face! "Duck?! Hah hah hah! Hoo, I'm so funny."
Ride Armor <Golden> strikes Wilymachine <WilyBear> with its Sock attack. Wilymachine <WilyBear> falls to the ground, unconscious, due to massive systems damage.
Daryn falls over onto his side and the chicken uses this opportunity to run around Signas, dragging Daryn along the ground. "MAGNETIC CHICKEN ON MY FACE!" is all Daryn seems able to manage presently because his head is being repeatedly dragged into rocks. Maybe the Magnet-Weak Daryn shouldn't have been the one to go after the Magnetic Chicken.
The chicken runs towards the barns. Daryn seems oblivious to Prairie because his head is repeatedly colliding with the ground.
Dr. Wily has arrived.
Wilymachine <WilyBear> has left.
Dr. Wily takes Wilymachine <WilyBear>.
The Bear cannot duck. It can, however, quack up, as the face of the Bear is smashed in. The Wilymachine stops, toppling over, and begins to detonate, explosions consuming the machine...
Only for Wily to float there in a banged-up Wilymachine. "Curse you, Thomas Light! You may not have won the battle, but I WILL WIN THE WAR! MASTERS! REGROUP!" The Saucer turns, rushing away at maximum velocity. Wily is very, very good at running away.
Wilysaucer III has arrived.
Dr. Wily drops Wilysaucer III.
Dr. Wily has left.
"I will take that as compliance and so hold you to this verbal contract," Signas says, calmly pacing Daryn and the magnetic chicken as they run towards the barn. "Very well then. I will now disengage the chicken from your face."
Signas reaches down with his right hand and picks up Daryn (complete with chicken attachment). "Most anything can be demagnetised with the proper prompting," Signas explains, reaching for something in subspace. He comes out with a rather large, powerful-looking magnet. "One method of demagnetising an object is to repeatedly stroke it, at random angles and intervals, with another magnet."
Signas begins rubbing the magnetic chicken with a magnet. This looks more inappropriate than it is.
"Yeah, get used to saying that, Al!" Light snaps back, even as the weakened Golden steps back, almost physically grateful for the break in the torrent of punishment. Light breathes, feeling some of the pain of the machine he's inhabiting...
Space itself shimmers for a second, and a glowing blue figure is standing behind the barn, looking at the wacky adventures of Daryn and Signas. Doctor Light makes a 'shh' motion at Purieri, winking at the girl as if this was all some crazy game. Maybe it is, a little.
Is he now. That Wilysaucer is just needed to make a quick escape and yet Wily.. Didn't summon it. Oh, wait, he did. It's also moving. This requires fast action. "And lo, the Golden prevails over the giant polar bear robot of death. Wily is left crying in his own way on the ground, and I've got a fist that demands justice. JUSTICE I SAY!" There's a moment of absolute blue funky haze and light as Ifrit vanishes from immediate sight only to re-emerge from teleportation wonderland on the saucer a second before the dome closes. This gave him plenty of time to thrust his right hand out at Wily's nose.. "I normally don't like Protodickery, but for you I am making an exception. Taste Justice in the nose!" Oh yes. he's VERY easy to throw off the saucer.
Munitions Ifrit strikes Wilysaucer III with his Punch attack.
Daryn looks even more horrified at Signas s he begins rubbing the chicken. He squirms and pulls to try to get away--and then...POP! The chicken comes off Daryn, demagnetized?! FOREVER OR TEMPORARILY!? Either way, Daryn has decided that he's okay with failing this mission.
"Oh no, no, no! I can't win against you guys! ... Retreat! The chicken is yours...today!"
Daryn limps away slowly.
Daryn retreats from the area swiftly, leaving him open to pursuit or parting shots from Dr. Light, Chronoton Duck, Pureri, Number Man, Wilysaucer III, Tabea Klein, Signas, Munitions Ifrit, and Crash Man.
Signas watches Daryn leave, and is left standing outside a barn with an angry chicken in his hand.
The UN computer which created his brain's base programming indicated that some days would fall into this category of weirdness.
Still holding the chicken, Signas turns around to see Dr. Light and Pureri, and moves towards them. "So then," he begins, returning the magnet to subspace. "I suppose there is no reason to be cross with Daryn for today. After all," he gestures to the chicken.
"No harm, no fowl."
"Signas, son." Doctor Light say, calmly, "It's time to get back in the box."
Wily gets punches in the nose. His head snaps back, and his gaze becomes glassy for a moment, as he tries to register what just happened here. The Doctor then snarls, flipping the Saucer upside down to shake off Ifrit. The canopy pops closed to prevent further shenanigans, but he has one small parting gift for the Ifrit.
Guns. Lots and lots and lots of guns, pointing from every concievable (and not a few inconcievable) places from the Saucer. "Die in obscurity." Wily replies, as he presses the Big Red button.
Wilysaucer III misses Munitions Ifrit with its Ultimate Drive-by attack.
And the protodickery continues. Actually, let's just call it something else. Just saying protodickery is lame. "Too bad.." WOOP! Wow, that's a nice hight to fall from. ".. I think I can see.. No, that's just my immagination." His fall from on high gave him quite a view, though it wasn't /really/ as high as he thought. There's some odd sounds too as guns start to fire. Lots of them. An array of death weapons raining from the bottom of the saucer at the falling reploid who obviously can't fly. But he does twist and point his arm back at the fleeing saucer. Or rather, a buster arm. "I normally like guns too, but even I know that THAT right there is overkill." Oh, look at that one! ".. I like that little cannon there though. I'd SO steal it.. If I weren't, you know, being shot at and falling.."
The barrage flies past Ifrit at that time. It's not a surprise to some that so many guns would equate to very bad targetting. Or they just weren't precise enough. They impact the ground, blowing it to hell enough to create a ball of fire and dirt to cushion the fall. It catches the robot broadside, disrupting his aim rather abruptly and throws him the rest of the way into a small pond nearby. It was but a short moment of floundering before he realizes it's really just shallow. "Huh.. I'm alright. Thought that was gonna smash me into the barn.. Or the Golden.."
Wily just eyerolls, and bolts off in his Saucer. It's not worth pasting the Ifrit any further. Maybe next time...
Wilysaucer III retreats from the area swiftly, leaving it open to pursuit or parting shots from Pureri.
